


A Two-Margarita Conversation

by The_German_Grim_Reaper



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, Jack meets Thirteen, Spoilers for The Timeless Children, also Jack calls a slitheen attractive, also they discuss things, if you've seen the episode you know what I'm talking about, just let it be known that this is his opinion NOT mine, missing scene after Timeless Children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:15:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23178310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_German_Grim_Reaper/pseuds/The_German_Grim_Reaper
Summary: A blonde and a Captain enter a bar.  Except the Captain is immortal and the blonde is also immortal and the bar happens to be on the moon.  Cue discussions.Spoilers for Timeless Children.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & Jack Harkness
Comments: 20
Kudos: 264





	A Two-Margarita Conversation

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this post on Tumblr:
> 
> <https://theevilcactus.tumblr.com/post/611504273512120320/oh-my-god-i-need-this-as-a-fic>

The blonde dropped herself onto the stool beside him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. She was carrying two margaritas- a frighteningly bright acid-green with strawberry-pink swirls- and shoved one in front of him.

“Jack,” she said mournfully, and he wondered how she knew his name. “I’m so glad you’re here, you would not believe how many bars I had to check before I ran into you.”

“Um.” He said eloquently. Then he shook off the surprise, deciding to make the most of this opportunity. After all, the blonde was cute, although he couldn’t quite place where he knew her from. He gave her his most seductive grin, the one guaranteed to make any lady (or man, or robot) swoon. “I can’t seem to remember your name. Care to refresh my memory?”

She sighed, taking a long sip from her margarita. “How long’s it been this time, Jack?” She asked. “Longer for me than you, I suppose.”

Right. Not an old hookup then, but a time traveller. (Not that the two were mutually exclusive.) Possibly a Time Agent, but she wasn’t giving off that vibe. In fact… “Doctor?” He asked cautiously.

She didn’t look at him, instead choosing to focus on her margarita. But from the sudden slump in her shoulders and the way her entire body seemed to tense, he knew he was right.

“What’s going on?” He asked. “Not Daleks again?”

She shook her head, a wry smile playing on her lips. “Remember,” she began, “when I abandoned you for centuries because your immortality makes me physically ill? And I told you to your face that your existence is wrong?”

Well. That was not a turn he had expected this conversation to take. “...Yes?” After all, it was pretty hard to forget.

“Well.” She said. “A quick update on that situation-”

“Wait.” He cut her off. “Can we go back to the part where you’re the Doctor? When did…” he gestured at her body vaguely, “ _ this _ happen?”

“Huh?” She said. “Oh, a bit less than a year. I’ve gone through quite a few bodies since I saw you last.”

He considered it. He’d known the Doctor had to regenerate, of course, but he hadn’t really expected to see him again. Or  _ her _ , as it was.

“But I thought Time Lords only get twelve bodies.” He pointed out, frowning. “Shouldn’t you have only had one more left?” He’d done plenty of research into Time Lords, both while he travelled on the TARDIS and in the time after. He was sure he’d heard about the twelve-regenerations limit somewhere.

“Yeah.” She sighed. “Which brings me back to my earlier question.”

His frown deepened. Her question… she’d asked about his immortality.  _ A quick update on that situation… _

“ _ Oh _ .” He realized. “Doctor…”

She flinched away from him. He took a deep breath, willing himself to stay calm. “I need another drink.” He muttered, draining what was left of his margarita in one gulp. He waved the bartender, an attractive Slitheen of ambiguous gender, over to them. “Could we have two more margaritas over here?” He asked her. “Thanks.”

“Oh, I don’t need another-” The Doctor began, but Jack rolled his eyes as the bartender handed him the drinks.

“Good,” he told her, “Because they’re both for me.”

He took a long sip of his first one and waited for her to speak. This was a two-margarita conversation if he’d ever heard one.

“I’m not a Time Lord.” She said after a long moment.

Jack choked on his drink. Whatever he’d been expecting her to say, it was not that. “Sorry, what?”

“I don’t know  _ what _ I am.” She admitted. “Apparently I got spat out of this outer-space rift when I was a kid. I can regenerate because of whatever  _ I _ am, the Time Lords got it from  _ me _ . Not the other way around.”

“Okay.” He’d heard stranger things, although this was admittedly a weird one. “And you know this because…?”

“The Master.” She replied.

Jack froze. “He’s alive?” He demanded. “I thought he died on the Valiant.”

“Oh, that was ages ago.” She said. “Came back, tried to take over the world, got stuck on the other side of a time lock, came back again, turned a bunch of dead people into cybermen, fake-died again… really, I should know better by now.”

He was silent.

The Doctor blinked. “Actually, that makes three times now they’ve tried Cybermen. That’s weird, usually he switches it up more often. The dead army, the spaceship with Bill, and now the Time Lord-Cyberman hybrids. It’s kind of a recurring theme.”

Jack choked again.

The Doctor patted his back. “You alright, Jack?” She asked kindly. “That much alcohol can’t be good for you. You’ll get liver damage.”

He ignored her. “ _ Time Lord-Cyberman hybrids _ ?” He repeated.

“Don’t worry, they’re dead now.” She assured him. “Along with the Master, although I suppose I should probably double-check that.”

“Okay.” He said. “So… tell me what happened?”

“I was friends with this spy named O, but then it turned out that he was actually the Master in disguise. He tried to kill me and left my fam onboard a crashing plane. Saved them, of course, but it was a close one. He joined the Nazis for a bit, actually, was a bit surprised by that one. Destroyed Gallifrey, for real this time. Absorbed the Cyberium. Showed me some memories that the Time Lords had blocked from me, of when I was found. Apparently I was born with the ability to regenerate, and they experimented on me for a while until they figured out how to do it themselves. I don’t even know what regeneration I’m on anymore, I saw glimpses of what must have been hundreds. And then I used the Death Particle to kill every living thing on the planet, including him and all the Cybermen. Pretty sure my fam thinks I’m dead, but there’s not much I can do about that. Oh, and also, you’re gonna have to break me out of prison at some point- just keep that in mind, I get locked up in Stormcage for a bit. Any questions?”

Jack could not even _ begin _ to comprehend everything she’d just said. “...Time Lord-Cyberman hybrids?” he asked again, instead of trying to.

“Yes, do try to keep up.”

“But… wasn’t Gallifrey already destroyed? The Time War…”

“I saved it, well actually all of the versions of myself did. All the ones I knew about, anyway…” She trailed off, frowning at that. “Trapped it in a pocket universe. But then he actually did destroy it, for good, and he killed everybody that was on it.”

“...And then you came to me for help?” He clarified.

“No, first the Judoon caught up with me and locked me in Stormcage. A future version of you broke me out, told me what time period to find you, but you neglected to tell me which bar. I’ve been traipsing all over looking for you.”

“What about your friends?” He couldn’t help but ask. “Didn’t you say they think you’re dead?”

She was silent for a moment. Then she admitted, quietly, almost as if talking to herself, “It’s probably better that way.” She looked up at him with eyes full of pain. “I’m immortal, Jack. I’m everything I used to hate about you. I don’t know who or what I really am, and it’s killing me.”

His eyes softened. “Hey.” He told her. “It’s gonna be okay. We’ll figure it out, yeah?”

She took a deep, shuddering breath. “Alright.” She said, looking up at him with wide brown eyes. “I trust you, Jack.”

He wrapped his arms around her. Seducing the bartender could wait- right now, his friend needed him. “You’ll get through this.” He promised her. “Come on, let’s get you back to the TARDIS.”


End file.
